Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
