Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize