Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
