The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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