I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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