I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
