I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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