Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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