It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
