I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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