I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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