Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize