so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
