we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
