Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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