Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
