she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
