So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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