When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
