I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
