I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
