I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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