please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
