you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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