Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
