I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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