I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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