She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
