it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
