oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
