I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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