if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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