it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
