Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
