So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
