How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
