girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
