My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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