I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
