Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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