Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
