I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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