my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
