K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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