i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
