question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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