i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
