Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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