I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize