He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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