i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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