It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
