my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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