sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
