you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
