The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
