last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
