Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
