your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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