she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
