i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
