his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
