Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
