The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
