The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
