I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
