i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
