he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
