You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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