i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
