Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
