Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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