found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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