Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
