i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
