Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
