Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
