Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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