So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
