I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize