Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
