She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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