So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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