can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
