he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
