I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she told me i tasted like america
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
