This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
