I'm gonna have a badass scar
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
